While it is very important to share ideas and stories, many struggle with the challenge of knowing when to speak and when to listen. 

“Be quick to listen but slow to speak”. What does this mean to you?

Why do we feel the need to overshare? Why do we feel the need to talk all the time? What benefit has talking about everything going on in your life brought to you?

Let’s think through a few points together:

1. Really dig deep and check why you feel the need to always share personal life stuff with others who have no business knowing.  Do you feel insecure? Have you ever felt you’re not good enough, or do you need to prove a point and feel included? Do you seek validation from an external source? Do you feel the need to always fill those awkward silences in conversations? Do you need to heal from any childhood trauma that makes you feel the need to measure up? It’s not your responsibility to fill in those awkward silences – if the conversation is coming or has come to a natural end and there’s nothing else to say, then let it go, don’t try and fill in with things you have no business saying.
2. As the saying goes, “A private life is a happy life”. Your life goals and ambitions are safer when you don’t share everything with everybody. What people don’t know about, they can’t destroy or interfere in any way, they can only speculate and keep wondering. So your life might be safer and happier this way.
3. It’s perfectly okay to want to share our thoughts with someone. We’re social beings, after all, but before sharing private matters of your life with someone, you must check if you really trust the person. Someone who we can call a confidante and has earned the trust over time and who will not judge you. Can you confidently put your life in their hands? If there’s any hesitation or the answer is no, then maybe they’re not the best person to share your private life matters with.
4. If we’re ever desperately in need of getting things off your chest, journaling is a good option. Better still, you can record a video or audio securely on your phone. This way, you would feel the release and save yourself the headache that comes from oversharing.
5. We need to cultivate the habit of listening twice as much as we speak. Most people listen just to be able to respond and therefore most time they respond with no full understanding of what’s being spoken but we must learn to listen actively; which is listening to understand not listening passively i.e. waiting for our turn to speak. Again, why do we always feel the need to speak? Why aren’t we content for others to speak, whilst we do the listening?
6. Before speaking, ask yourself these three questions :  (a) Is this necessary to say? (b) Will it be of benefit to anybody (c)What do I want the listener to take away from this?. If you can’t provide concrete positive answers to these questions then it’s best to have a rethink about speaking.
7. This goes without saying, but it’s worth a mention in this social media age we’re in – don’t post all your life on social media. If you’re fond of doing this, you should check your motive. Why do you feel the need to put all your personal business out there? Are you competing with the Joneses? Do you want people to perceive you in a certain light? 

In a coaching session recently, a client identified that she’s lived all her life oversharing and that it’s brought her nothing but disdain, disrespect, and people double crossing her and her plans. Think about it, when you’ve talked too much, what has this led to?

In summary, we need to check our motives for sharing! Could it be insecurity, low self-worth, self-esteem, childhood trauma, or loneliness that’s at the heart of your excessive talking?

People who are whole, confident, and with healthy self-esteem have little to no need for that external validation that oversharers seek. Heal your soul and heal your life!